Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey Goodbye

Henry was a very unhappy newborn. He came into the world at 10:08pm on a Tuesday night and at 9pm on Wednesday, he started crying and didn't stop.

I was devastated to have this sad baby. I was devastated that I couldn't make him happy. I cried and cried -- desperately wishing for a happier baby -- and at one point, I strongly wanted to give him BACK to whoever you give babies back to (turns out, you can't actually give them back, FYI).

I tried everything to comfort him. I tried letting him sleep on his tummy but then I couldn't sleep because I'd be terrified he'd die of SIDS. I tried swaddling. That helped, but not enough. I tried inclined planes to keep him slightly upright at all times. I tried letting him cry-it-out so that eventually he'd just learn to stop crying and that only taught me that my kid is not a quitter. I tried giving him bottles in addition to breast milk. I tried baby massage, bath tubs, vibrating chairs, another pricey swing (in case the one I had wasn't to his liking), and at one point I considered that maybe I needed to change his name because in my sleep-deprived mind, I thought he might be trying to tell me that he didn't like it.

And of course, I tried na-nas. I went to the store and bought every. single. brand. Except NUKS.

On the second night in the hospital when I couldn't get him to stop crying, I called the nursery for them to bring me a pacifier. The nurse firmly told me they discourage giving babies pacifiers before they've established breastfeeding. I very sweetly told her to bring me a paci or else take the baby back into the nursery and deal with him herself. Five minutes later, I had a teeny-tiny white NUK delivered to my room.

As you can see from the picture of Henry all ready to go home from the hospital, the NUK didn't help. So, a few weeks later when I decided to try another round of pacifiers, I assumed that NUKS were definitely out and didn't buy them. Some time after that, when all else had also failed, I figured spending another $5 on a pack of pacis just couldn't hurt. And thank god for that decision. Because once we had NUKS back in our lives, we had a new Henry. Well, the NUKS and also figuring out that our poor baby was allergic to the egg protein in my breastmilk, THEN we had a new Henry.

I love na-nas. I love that they gave happiness and comfort to my baby. I love the way his cheeks move when he sucks on them. I love the fun colors and styles. I love how he hoards them and likes to hold as many as he can. I love when he army-crawls under the crib to rescue the ones that had fallen. I love when he has a big smile hidden behind it.

And I love that na-nas mean that in some way, he's still my baby.

The Na-Na Fairy came last night to take all of his na-nas to new babies. He was so great about it and bravely carried them all to the bowl to leave out for her. When he said goodbye to them, he got a bit upset but still climbed into bed like a champ. And after a few tears and extra snuggles from mommy and daddy in the rocking chair, he fell asleep... for the first time in almost three years alone in his bed... without his na-nas.

And I've been trying not to cry all day.